Guns

[simara]

I'm not exactly comfortable giving up my weapons but then, Mattie, Issy and the rest aren't exactly comfortable having them on board. It feels like an acceptable compromise for now. Though the faces of my fellow agents suggest they don't feel the same.

 

Still, allowing this many agents on board – and a guest list they didn't choose – is a gesture of trust and friendship I can't help but wonder if I have truly earned. So I hand them over without prompting, with a smile and with at least three ways to get my hands on a weapon if I need to.

 

 

The second time I have to give my weapons up is harder. I can see how torn Mattie is, how angry Issy is. The harried conversations as we try and figure out a compromise all of us can live with. Every second we talk lets the comforting weight in my holster sit that little bit longer.

 

Its not to keep it there that we talk so long, throw ideas around and argue our various perspectives. Just one of us armed, it doesn't feel like too much to ask given the circumstances. But Mattie looks so wounded and I know that wedding or not she's considering aiming the Skylark for the nearest port and kicking us all off.

 

It does cross my mind to wonder if she'd be more inclined to our way of thinking if it wasn't Lazlo we'd put on active duty.

 

In the end he stays armed, we search the ship and I think the rest will work out alright. I wonder if I should let Salvatore know how grateful I am for his assistance. His 'please don't make me.'

 

I try to apologise but I know this is the one thing Mattie will never understand. At least I hope she never will. I don't say because she wouldn't want to hear it but I know that if there is ever cause I will protect her from every finding out just how naïve her perfect ideals are with whatever level of violence feels necessary.

 

 

There have been cheeky grins and relentless teasing. There have been words of affection, worry and even reassurance- rare between us, rarer still to need it.

 

Honestly, his stint as best man is gift enough already but I should have known there would be something else.

 

I know as soon as he hands it over. There are only so many items of a certain size, shape and weight that interest both of us. I open it carefully, still a touch clumsily. This isn't a weapon I am used to – yet.

 

If it hurts a little to realise he won't be the one I'll practice with – initially at least – I am wise enough to appreciate the chance I have been given. It hurts more to realise that in a way he'll have my back even though we'll be so far apart but I won't have his.

 

Hurting is not for today however and I can't keep the grin from my face despite Mattie's disapproval and my husband's mostly lighthearted 'are you happier about the gun or our wedding?'.